We cannot change others, no matter how much we want to and how hard we try. Unlike a machine, we cannot control how others behave. Yes, people can be very disappointing at times and there is plenty of hurt to go around. We can, however, change how we feel about others and how we feel about ourselves.
Often geeks were rejected by kids in their childhoods and retreated into themselves, their work and possibly their sub-group of other geeks, never to emerge again. They “turtle up”, hiding in their shell, fearful that if they were to stick their head out, even to look around, they’ll be attacked by predators. Often, geeks were made fun of by other kids. So, naturally, as adults, they’re very self conscious, fearful of rejection and persecution.
Yes, there are still jerks in the world. But your world has changed, you are respected for your abilities. The definition of “cool” has changed. One of the biggest things that you will hopefully get out of this site is to begin looking at the world differently. You’ll learn to change your behavior to some degree so others will begin perceiving you in a different light.
We all feel the potential for judgment in any situation. But when you’re able to redirect the spotlight, you will not be judged. When I say “redirect the spotlight” I mean that when you become an active player socially, when you learn to engage people, to ask questions, to be interested, all of a sudden, you won’t feel like you’re the object of anything. You’ll become an equal adult player in the human experience. In fact you will reverse the roles in this dynamic.
You won’t become the judge of others but you’ll become the supporter of others. And therein lies your power. By learning to take the spotlight off of yourself you will be able to better relate to others and they to relate to you. The key is to redirect the spotlight from yourself to the person with whom you are engaged so you’re able to give them some of their basic wants
You walk into a room, you immediately feel like everyone is looking at you, looking for some fault in you. What if you walked into a room with a different attitude? What if you were looking for interesting people? That’s right. Other human beings are often fascinating, funny, warm and engaging. Some people are even hurt or troubled for some reason. If you are open to others, you might even be able to offer support and friendship to people in need. If we spend all of our energy worrying about ourselves, there’s no opening to actually let others in. If we stop being obsessed with how we’re being treated and refocus our energy attention on treating others well, we can make those kinds of connections.